Music Band Members

 Surabaya, 18 January 2024

I am currently in a situation where people in my music band are hating homosexuals, but as they may call themselves as a real gentleman, they often make jokes that degrade women. I remember when one of them said "My wife told me if I wear that T-shirt, I look like a gay". In my opinion, "so what's wrong with gay?". His words implies as if homosexual is something bad and deserves humiliations. Now, imagine if you were me in that situation, where you have to hide yourself, fake smiles, but in reality they are hurting you.

It does not stop there. They always make nasty jokes about women. Their words are sexualising women that in my opinion do not respect women's dignity. For example, they said "jilmek (licking women's genital)" and they laugh as if it is a funny thing. 

Contrasting what they said about gay and what they said about women, I can say they are hypocrites. They think they are the real gentlemen because they are straight and judging gays are disgusting, but in another side they does not respect women by sexualising them and makes dirty jokes about them. And this situation seems to be normalised among our society. I am so sad to be in this situation, but what can I do besides hiding myself?

Israel Palestine Conflict

 Surabaya-Jakarta, 25 November 2023

Billions of people are praying to God and condemn the genocide done by Israel to Palestinians. But why are their prayers not heard by the god? Why do they keep losing the war? Why does god allow this tragedy to happen? If this is what the god wants, then why do we have to be angry?

Update of My Thoughts

 Surabaya, 21 September 2023

After days of disappointment, it is weird that I don't think about it anymore. Perhaps, being busy at work has helped me to stay positive. Initially, I thought my life has ended, and I even had suicidal thoughts. But just in two days, those thoughts were gone. I kept busy at work especially preparing a farewell party for my bosses' rotation to other offices.

It's a magic that the more I congrats them, the more I feel relieved and accept it. I know that I still have many things to do in my current office, and maybe I am not ready yet to get promoted. I remember my idealistic words that I said many years ago that I will work wholeheartedly wherever I am placed, do my best, and the rests will follow.

I also think maybe this is the best journey I should walk through. Who knows I would get a better life in the future. And maybe, this is the best thing for me right now. Imagine that I have to live far from home and far away from the mental health facilities if I got promoted, I don't think I am ready for that at the moment, right?

Anyway, I would say congratulations to my friends, and I am wishing you all the best in your future endeavours.