Those Intolerant Extremists

Sydney, 22 September 2017

When the situation is heating up in my country and those extremists are becoming more and more radical by provoking other people to legitimate their intolerance, I wrote this on my Facebook status:

Only in 15 minutes, the intolerant guy replied my post by posting his own status:

This is so funny since he never understands the message I wrote. His post is actually confirming my statement. I am so sad that this is actually the proof when someone has been intoxicated by religion extremism. He has been blinded by his own perspective.

What I am trying to say is how to be a neutral person and understanding other's perspective. But here, he always judges other people's correctness by his own standards. When everyone persists to apply that their own standards are the correct ones and others' are not, then, there will be no peace. Respecting and understanding other people's believe is what I meant with tolerance. People who cannot respect other people's believe but force their own believe to other people are intolerant people. Why don't they understand about it?

I used to be a denial and shortsighted person. I used to run back to my religion and my own holy book as guidance in life. But I had a lot of questions in my heart. I saw a lot of hypocrisies done by those intolerant extremists. There was a huge doubtfulness in my heart. I couldn't live in a fake state for the rest of my life. I thank to those intolerant people for showing me how hypocritical my ex-religion is. Now I live as who I am. I live the life what I believe is right. I am now just fine being judged by them. Isn't it what they have been doing since so long?

How Ahmadiyya Muslims are Murdered by Extremists in Indonesia

Sydney, 14 September 2017

Check the video on the link below:

https://www.facebook.com/SofianAnom/videos/10212587397453328/

They said to save Rohingya from genocide done by Burmese military and Buddhists. But they forget they are actually promoting genocide to Ahmadiyya, Shia, other minorities, homosexuals, infidels, Jews, etc. What a hypocrisy.

What I wrote in this blog about my-(de jure not the facto)-religion is not a slander. That is what I feel and what I see with my surroundings. It is not not people like me who try to attack Islam. It is themselves who make Islam looks so horrible and frightening. I have heard, read, and watched people around me spitting judmental words and threats towards people like me (homosexuals, disbelievers) in the name of their religion.

I also realise that this terrifying attitude does not represent a whole population of Muslims. I believe extremists are small in numbers but seriously loud in voice. Sometimes, the rest of Muslims don't really agree with these extremists,  but they don't really reject them either. They are kind of in between. As a result, they can be either: 1) forced to agree with the extremists because they are afraid to disobey the religion or afraid to be ostracised from their community, or 2) splitted as moderates despite they are now being judged as sinners by the extremists.

Now we can see that it is extremists that make disintegration between us.

Last but not least, it is true that those extremists are forcing their Islamic rules to apply to other people. As I always said, they legitimate their action in the name of their religion. They argue the action is necessary to protect their aqeeda, to protect their young generation from bad influences, and not to make their God gets angry and punishes them. They force their own moral standard  to other people.

Persistence

Sydney, 10 September 2017

I remember 7 years ago, I got a really bad fever when I had an exam to get into Diploma IV of State College of Accountancy. I hardly woke up in that morning and my mom said to me not to go since I looked very sick. But at 7 am, I decided just to go and give it a try. I did my exam with my terrible headache, burning eyes, runny nose, and fever. Surprisingly, I had no problem in answering all the questions. As a result, I passed the exam and I continued my study at that college.

I will remember that moment until forever. I was tested to make a decision in a very difficult time. I was tested for my persistence. If only I didn't go to the exam at that day, I wouldn't be here in Sydney now. If I didn't go to the exam at that day, I would probably be still stuck in the same job descs in the office until forever. It should be a reminder for me to never giving up to whatever difficulties I have, because no one knows what will happen in the future.

Food not allowed to be brougt outside

What Happened in Corporation Law Class Today.

Sydney, 6 September 2017

When I was in the Corporation Law class today, my friend who sat at the row behind me was choked when drinking water from bottle. She got cough pretty bad afterwards. It caused she spurted out the water inside her mouth to the people who were sitting in front of her. And a girl whose sweater was spurted looked so unhappy with that. That girl looked very angry wiping the water from her sweater. Then, the girl throwed the tissue she used to wipe angrily.

It was an interesting behaviour for me. I was personally feeling worried about my friend who get choked while drinking and severely coughing. I would ask her whether she is alright or not. But, the girl whose sweater was spurted by the water was very angry instead of worrying about other person's condition. Wasn't that a very selfish and individualistic behaviour? Why are some people now less care to their surroundings?

However it was a little bit funny since earlier in the beginning of the class, our teacher asked us to write down the name of our group members. I can't read Chinese character to write down my friend's (the one who got choked by water) full name, since she wasn't come yet. Then, I asked the girl (whose sweater got spurted by water) to translate the Chinese character for me. So, I guess our group actually owed the girl a kind return, but my friend eventually gave her a bad return. Was it an instant karma?

My Mom as an Independent Woman

Sydney, 5 September 2017

I am amazed how my mom never thinks to have a relationship with a man after her divorce with my father in 1995. She has been living as a widow for 22 years now and never I saw her were close to any man. She is just focus to raise all her children. She works every day and night and gives us living, shelter and education. I think she is enough just to love her kids. Or maybe, she has had enough having a relationship with a man.

I don't really know clearly about my mom's past and I never ask her about it. When I grew up, I finally knew that mom had a guy before married with my father, and that guy is my eldest sister's biological father. I never know what was going on between them and how it ended and how my mom finally met my father later on. I never ask her about that. I also never ask someone else to know about that. For me, I think it was her past that probably she wants to forget forever. I am afraid it will hurt her if I ask her about it. What I know now that she has paid everything for her past. What I know now she has been a good mother for her kids. And for me, that is more than enough.

I am personally adoring her as an independent woman. If I recall my childhood memory, she was a young woman with five kids and sometimes was left by my father for another woman. I saw her cried when she argued with my father. We lived in poverty. It was a tough life. I am so amazed how strong she was in living and surviving through difficult years. Maybe, this life experience has made her had enough for a romance relationship with a man.

I adore her independence and I do really want to be like her. She could do all men's and women's work. That's what we learn from her. She never minds for not having a man. I try to be like her, try not to cry just because of loneliness. But I don't know why all her kids are hunger for love from another person. My sisters were so clingy to their boyfriends. I also feel depressed and lonely for having no boyfriend to love. Once I had one, I could be so possessive. Or maybe it is because we are just to hard to ourselves in life.

Sydney, 3 September 2017

I feel so bad when every time I got so mad and emotional, when I cannot control myself and I become very very mad and lose my sanity. I am so tired with this anger. I just want to forgive and forget. But it is so hard. I am easily triggered. Meanwhile, people around me keep saying the words that hurt me without they realise it. Or, the society keeps showing their hypocrisy of religion. The wound is never dry. It is not a good place to heal.

Just like yesterday, when some people were persistent with their arguments in favour of polygamy, it just made me so emotional. All I could think was how

Polygamy

Sydney, 2 September 2017

Source: https://www.facebook.com/fahdpahdepie/posts/10154746023916437

When I read the comment section of the posting (link above), I feel so sick and want to vomit. Some people are firm with their Islamic idealism that polygamy is a sunna. To me, what they are saying is just a big bullshit and not more than a trash.

I have been in the situation of having father who did polygamy. He just did what his religion said as a sunna. He taught us the religion so strictly. Those childhood memories are preserved so well in my brain.

I saw how his idealism crumbled down by the hypocrisy. I witnessed how my family broke apart. I felt how hard it was to rebuild a life from the beginning. I found it was hard to establish a trust within myself. I grew unlike other kids because of polygamy.

Now when people are telling me about polygamy in their religious perspective, I would say I have had enough of it. While all they can do is theorising and talking bullshit, they are covering their eyes to the reality of polygamy. They should live in a reality, not a delusion.

Additional:

Now his daughters are grown up and getting married. You know what? We have been separated for more than 20 years, but we still need him to marry my sisters! I am so hurt! Life is so unfair. This religion is so unfair! It does open the wound I have been trying to deal with for the entire of my life.

Additional (2):

Now I have a question. Do you think polygamy is a fate or a personal decision? Islam says everyone's mate has been written in Lauh Mahfuz. Does it mean practice of polygamy by someone is also God's destiny, including the fate when it must end in sin and misery?

The Wedding of Raisa and Hamish

Sydney, 4 September 2017

People are hyped with the wedding of Hamish and Raisa, two famous Indonesian celebrities. However, to me, attending friend's wedding is sometimes not an enjoyable moment. Not only was I depressed by my own thought whether or not I could marry a woman someday to meet society's expectation (that was thought before I decided to live as who I am now), but also I was annoyed by the question of "when are you getting married?" by other people. It is as if marriage is the ultimate goal in life for them and it seems like I am a useless person for the entire of my life if I am not married.

Another reason is that I don't believe to the sacred value of marriage anymore. Marriage, for some people, is only regarded as a "halal" way to get sex. Nothing is more beyond that. And what makes it more disgusting is that the "dirty mind for lust" is camouflaged with the religious verses. They married more than one women in the name of religion, or support the idea of it, but they feel disgusted to gay marriage also in the name of religion. For me, they are so hypocritical and super disgusting.

I still have traumatic feeling, not only because of the pressure from the society, but also because of what has happened in my family. My father married two women and still told us what the religious moral is, but at the end, what he can do is just telling us the verses from Quran but never gets real to our life. His kids won't grow bigger just listening to his religious words. Later on, I was so hurt by my sisters' weddings where I felt disregarded and defeated by religious hypocrisies. 

My elder sister was close to a man (which later becomes her second husband). I actually didn't like their attitude when they were dating, while sometimes my sister showed her disgust to gay people. That was another hypocrisy. She didn't tell me that she was going to get married even until the wedding date, despite they needed me in wedding ceremony as the only man in the family. What I was told is that I should go back home by 3 pm but they didn't tell me anything what was going on. My heart was broken into pieces at that day. I knew their plan. I didn't come back home on time. I was planning not to go home, but I knew that I would make the situation even worse if I did that. I came back home at 5 pm where all the people had waited for me for two hours. I cried in my room afterwards.

The same traumatic memory was apparently repeated by my youngest sister. She never listened to what I said. I said not to make a phone call to her boyfriend after midnight, I said to her to prioritise her study, I said everything what my momma said, I said it as an older brother to his youngest sister. I said it because I want her to have a dignity as a woman, because I want to protect her. She just got blinded by her love. Yet she sometimes mocked me by questioning whether I am a real man since I never had a girlfriend. On her wedding date, I felt so deceived since they needed my father (a person who has abandoned us for more than 20 years) instead to marry her. I felt worthless for them. I felt so deceived in life. I was so sick and hate of this rule of religion which is so hypocritical. I felt not accepted in the society, even in my own family.

Now my sisters are getting married and having a happy family. They have a settle life and love. I am so happy for their marriage life. However, every time I remember the moment of their marriages, I still cry. Wedding moment should bring a joy but not for me. When people talk about marriage, it can be a very sensitive topic for me.

Lesbians were Casted Out

Sydney, 4 September 2017

"Kelakuan para wanita tersebut atau lesbi dinilai sudah sejak lama meresahkan warga. Dalam penggerebekan tersebut, warga hampir saja tersulut emosi."

Source: https://www.jawapos.com/read/2017/09/03/154805/6-pasangan-lesbi-digerebek-mereka-hidup-layaknya-pasutri

What the heck? What's wrong? They don't even steal anything from people. Why are people so hateful to them? Is it just because of they are lesbians? Is it all about sex? If yes, fuck off the society! You are hypocritical at your best!

Next time, people should do the same thing to those who use religion to justify their lust to own and control women. Next time, people also should banish those people who abuse religion for personal gains or self interests. Will they do that? No.

They blame other groups, other sexual orientations, other believers for unreasonable self-proclaiming (which may be stated by their god). But they don't see into themselves first (because they think their religion has been flawless already).

He said he would be getting into a relatiinship if the situation if different. If gay marriage is legalise.

For love I will do fight for it.
I won't ask
I'll prove then if I am right

Sydney, 2 September 2017

Today I had a dinner with my dorm-mates in an Indian restaurant. We celebrated Eid al Adha. The college gives us a budged for this event this year. So we decided to celebrate it by having dinner outside.

At first, I was in doubt whether want to go or not, since I don't really accept the idea of Eid al Adha myself. But then I thought it would be a great chance for me to make a memory with my friends. So I decided to come with them.

There are actually more Muslim residents in my college than what I thought. It is because apparently not all Muslim residents practice their religion very strictly. Some of them are very loose in practicing Islam, that I never thought that they are actually Muslims.

Tonight we went to "hhj" in Glebe. It would be my very first experience going to an Indian restaurant. My friends who came were originally from Pakistan, India, and Bangladesh. I was the only person who was not from that South Asia continent.

Rohingya and Islamic Sentiments

Sydney, 2 September 2017

I know some of my Muslim friends claim Islam as tolerant religion by saying this. But they ignore the fact that too many terror attacks are also claimed in the name of Islam. They also close their eyes to the fact that in some regions in Indonesia, they don't allow Christians to build churches (and there are some tragedies where dozens of churches were burnt down because of hoax, this is one of the case). Not only to the Christians, intoleran Muslims also reject and destroy statues that (they think) resemble idols. They also combat other Muslims who have different manhaj, such as Shia and Ahmadiyya. They may also forget the genocide and wars done by Islamic regimes. 

It is undoubtedly that Rohingya and Palestine are tragedies of humanity. However, Muslims tend to see them in the perspective of religion sentiments. It is like "we don't care whether they are right or wrong, as long as they are also Muslims, we are brothers, then, we stand with their side". They are really care about their Muslim brothers thousands kilometers away, but they ignore the fact that there are so many humanity tragedies within their own countries. So to them it is not about humanism, but more about a sentiment of religion.

To me, the incidents must be seen objectively and independently. We need to know what the root cause of the tragedies are. Otherwise, the conflicts happen again and again and there is no way to end soon. Chauvinism in religion (or in anything) makes someone denies external facts but only believes internal rumours.

Just like in Rohingya case, it started when Rohingya terrorists attacked and killed a dozen of Burmese policeman. As we know that Rohingya people are illegal immigrants in Myanmar. It is unclear why those Rohingnya people attacked Burmese policemen, but if they are living in other people's country, they should follow and respect that country's rules. Making a terror attack is a huge mistake. It is also unclear why Bangladesh, as their original homeland, also rejects them to come back.

Dentures for My Mom

Sydney, 20 August 2017

I make a video call to my mom everyday. That's why I subscribe a home internet connection for my mom's house. I bought her a tablet and taught her how to use the social media. In that way, I wish she won't feel lonely living alone in her house, and also it keeps us connected all the time. But lately, I saw something has changed with her. She lost all her upper teeth. 

Our family couldn't afford regular dental check-up. It was a tertiary need for us. Now I am working and getting decent salary which is enough to take her to dentist, but it is too late that my mom's teeth have already gone. I felt so guilty. She couldn't enjoy good food in her old age.

I talked to her about this issue and she wanted to get permanent dental implant. Permanent dental implant is super expensive that I couldn't afford it now. She said not now, but later when I could afford it. However, I don't have a heart to see her toothless. So, I asked my sister to take her to a dentist to get, not permanent, but wire dentures. I told my mom that it is for temporary. When I could afford permanent ones, I will replace it for her.

Now I am happy that she could chew and eat hard and tough food such as apple and meat. I also thank to my sisters who take care of her when I live far away from her.

Return from Vending Machine Company

Sydney, 29 August 2017

When I was in the Advanced Accounting class, someone was calling to my phone. I couldn't answer it since I was in the class. After the class ended, I listened to the voice mail where the caller left his message. It turns out that the caller was from a vending machine company.

Few days ago I submitted a complain email to the company. I was in the library and I purchased a chocolate snack from the vending machine. The transaction failed but my bank account was debited. Luckily, the company provides the link for reporting the problem.

Shortly after I call back the company to verify my identity, they returned my money, although it was only $3.20. I wasn't asked to provide any documents or other evidences. They just trust me. It was so quick and easy. I can't believe that it is gonna be that quick and easy.

I remember when I got debited twice on my BRI account for a single transaction, it takes forever to get my money back. I was asked to provide lots of documents and stuff. The complicated procedure makes me hesitant to continue the request. I just let my money gone forever up to now! 

A Smelly Bangladeshi

Sydney, 1 September 2017

At about 2 am, I came back to my room from studying outside. There were some Bangladeshi friends talking with my roommate (who is also a Bangladeshi) in my room. Some of them were sitting on my bed. I don't mind about that. What I do really mind, one of them smelled really really bad. My room became smelling so bad that I literally wanted to vomit. I am not exaggerating.

That smelly person is also my dorm-mate. I know that she is smelly every time I met her. She smells like rotten spices. But I never commented on her odor. But today, it was too much for me too handle.

So, after they got out of my room, I opened the window and the door to let the fresh air came in pushing out that nasty odor. After half an hour and the smell was gone, I closed the window and the door and went to my bed. When I was about to sleep, I could smell it again. It was on my bed. It was on my bed sheet, on my quilt, on my pillows. Fuck.

I removed my bed sheet, my pillows cover and my quilt cover. I let the window open, although the weather outside is so cold since it is winter. Damn.

Now I remember someone ever said to me that Bangladeshi is smelly. I didn't quite agree with his statement at that time but now I know what he meant. I am not trying to generalise and I don't mean to be racist. Not all Bangladeshi is like her. But for sure, today was my unlucky day. I don't wanna this to happen to me ever again! Should I tell her straightforwardly about her body smell?