It has been 6 months since I was diagnosed with depression and treated with medications. My emotion has subsided yet I am not feeling any better. I tend to feel down and gloomy. It is so difficult to stand up again. I am not like I used to be, who was always optimistic and diligent. I have lost myself.
First, I have made mistakes in relationship. Just because I couldn't be with the guy I love, I make relationships with other guys but they couldn't replace him. I am feeling so guilty for hurting them by giving them false hopes. Now I am with a guy whom I don't love but I couldn't just break up. I don't wanna hurt someone's heart anymore although I have to be dead inside in walking through this relationship.
Second, I gain weight quite significantly. Previously, I have successfully lost 32 kg from 86 kg to 54 kg. But since I consumed medicines, my body weight increases quite rapidly. I am now 72 kg and it seems to never go down again despite I have exercised a lot and reduced my meals. I feel all my effort is so useless. All my clothes doesn't fit anymore. I hate myself every time I see my body.
Third, I feel an intense worry about my future study. I really want to continue my study to pursue PhD degree, but I am so lack of confidence. I have made a mistake by impatiently going to the university that I didn't want to go. Now I have to pay all the consequences of my impatience. I don't have much research experience and I don't have someone to discuss and guide me to prepare a good proposal.
Now I feel I am a real looser for falling too deep in regrets and failing to get up again.
Now I feel I am a real looser for falling too deep in regrets and failing to get up again.
