I am amazed how my mom never thinks to have a relationship with a man after her divorce with my father in 1995. She has been living as a widow for 22 years now and never I saw her were close to any man. She is just focus to raise all her children. She works every day and night and gives us living, shelter and education. I think she is enough just to love her kids. Or maybe, she has had enough having a relationship with a man.
I don't really know clearly about my mom's past and I never ask her about it. When I grew up, I finally knew that mom had a guy before married with my father, and that guy is my eldest sister's biological father. I never know what was going on between them and how it ended and how my mom finally met my father later on. I never ask her about that. I also never ask someone else to know about that. For me, I think it was her past that probably she wants to forget forever. I am afraid it will hurt her if I ask her about it. What I know now that she has paid everything for her past. What I know now she has been a good mother for her kids. And for me, that is more than enough.
I am personally adoring her as an independent woman. If I recall my childhood memory, she was a young woman with five kids and sometimes was left by my father for another woman. I saw her cried when she argued with my father. We lived in poverty. It was a tough life. I am so amazed how strong she was in living and surviving through difficult years. Maybe, this life experience has made her had enough for a romance relationship with a man.
I adore her independence and I do really want to be like her. She could do all men's and women's work. That's what we learn from her. She never minds for not having a man. I try to be like her, try not to cry just because of loneliness. But I don't know why all her kids are hunger for love from another person. My sisters were so clingy to their boyfriends. I also feel depressed and lonely for having no boyfriend to love. Once I had one, I could be so possessive. Or maybe it is because we are just to hard to ourselves in life.
