So many things have happened last week and it is already week 3 of lecture now. Maybe, the most important moment in my life last week was when some of my friends found out and read this blog. It was like a moment of truth for me to receive the response from the people around me.
Surprisingly, all of them gave supports to me. I know that they are my best friends. I also know that they have a heart of gold and they are open-minded. We have known each other for years, but probably they just knew that I am hiding another identity in my heart.
I was suddenly feeling ashamed and worthless. I have changed into someone that they never know. I change into a totally different person, a total stranger. I am just a person clouded by grudge and anger. I blamed everyone because of my pain and disappointment. I am blinded by my selfishness. I still cannot forgive myself and other people.
I felt so ashamed to put my anger to everyone, that may include my friends. They shouldn't be on the list. I souldn't be generalising everyone. I feel so guilty for letting myself to be controlled by my own anger, then blaming everyone. My friends are so kind to me that they understand me without judging me at all. I am feeling guilty to them.
What I do really want is to forgive. I want to forgive myself and to forgive everyone. I just want to have a peacefulness in my heart.
