Malang, 31 December 2017
Yesterday I met an old friend. We were classmates in the kindergarten. Yesterday he rode his motorbike with his kid. I was so happy to talk to him again. The first smalltalk he said to me was "where's your kid? Have you been married? You've been mature, how could you be not married yet?". My happiness suddenly turned into a disappointment.
They never know how it feels to be judged like that. They never know how hard for me even just to find the attraction to a woman. For straight people, they never heard about this problem. Attraction to opposite gender is something fully gifted to them. Therefore, it makes them forget about other people's condition. They only assume that sexual orientation is always be to opposite gender. In fact, it is not the case. If they find otherwise, they will judge it.
I am super sad. I hate this world. They all are hypocritical. I never did anything bad to them. I have been a good friend for them. But they are all so cruel. This world is so cruel for me. I hate to be here. I hate to live. God, why did you create me like this? Just.kill.me.now.
