I live surrounded by people think I am a good boy. Yes, I am a good boy.
I was loved by many people because of that. All my teachers loved me as a good boy. Some of them have treated me as their own son. They are all so kind to me.
But I know that they hate LGBT so much. I know they are very religious in practicing their faith.
Meanwhile, I knew that I grew up differently. It depressed me. I faked myself all the time to meet their expectation. There is an endless conflict in my heart.
I never come out because I am afraid to be lonely, unloved, hated, and rejected. I have been lonely with my depression.
Now what I am afraid of has become a reality. I see how they change into different person just because I am (pro) homosexual. What if they know if I am the homosexual?
Now I am feeling super upset and disappointed. I have lost my faith to anything. I am so sad and disappointed.
I have been fighting with my own situation and with my environment all the time without they realise it. They don't know about it. All they can do is just judging based on sexual orientation: good or bad, right or wrong.
If only they know how it feels to grow up this way, to deal with the situation, to accept disgrace and to fake myself. I am not me anymore. I don't know who I am. Why would I be born? I feel so useless.
