Today I just had my third exam for this semester's final exam, and there will be one more on next Wednesday. The first two exams went really well for me, but today's exam was a huge disappointment. It was Managerial Accounting exam. I had my reading for this subject every week, doing question practices every week, getting involved in class discussion every week, doing revision twice, and staying all night long to redo all over again. I have done so much effort for this subject. I am so disappointed that my effort does not help me in the final exam.
There were four questions in the exam to be accomplished within 2 hours. It means one question shall not be spent in more than 30 minutes. I was stick to that rule. Each question was a page long. Each question has several question points (up to six numbers, and each number has sub-numbers). I needed more time to understand what the questions want. It was not easy for me to get the meaning by reading it only once.
At the beginning, I was so panicking that I am afraid I couldn't finish to answer all the questions. The questions have pressurised my mental. I couldn't concentrate to read the questions calmly. All looks so difficult. I skipped number one, number two, number three and just jumped to number four first.
I also have OCD that makes me erase my messy handwriting and rewrite it again in more clear presentation. It wastes my time a lot. I kept telling myself to just let those messy handwriting be untouched otherwise I have no time to finish. But still, I did erase and rewrite it again.
However, I was determined to pass the exam, so I kept telling my self if I could do it. With a little bit of calmness, I got my confidence back. I couldn't finish number four question, but I finished all three other questions. It turns out that the questions were not so difficult after all. I just needed more concentration and calmness to do it. I was so regretful that I couldn't do it well. I felt like I have ruined all my effort I have done for a whole semester.
I also have OCD that makes me erase my messy handwriting and rewrite it again in more clear presentation. It wastes my time a lot. I kept telling myself to just let those messy handwriting be untouched otherwise I have no time to finish. But still, I did erase and rewrite it again.
However, I was determined to pass the exam, so I kept telling my self if I could do it. With a little bit of calmness, I got my confidence back. I couldn't finish number four question, but I finished all three other questions. It turns out that the questions were not so difficult after all. I just needed more concentration and calmness to do it. I was so regretful that I couldn't do it well. I felt like I have ruined all my effort I have done for a whole semester.
I have collected fairly good marks for this subject before the exam, but those are meaningless if I fail the final exam. I just couldn't fail the exam. I'll be so disappointed. I try to think positively that I might have a chance to pass by answering more than 75% of the exam questions. But who can guarantee that all those 75% answers are all correct. I have a big issue with calculation accuracy. I sometimes enter wrong number on my paper or on my calculator. I am so afraid if it causes my failure. Marking guidance in here is so strict that you'll be given a zero mark if you get wrong result despite your steps are correct. And there is no remedial exam, unlike what we have in Indonesian's universities.
I am so tired with this subject. I just do not want to do this subject again next semester. I will be very ashamed if I have to come back to this class again. I was always so overconfident in the class that my tutor and my friends might think that I am really good at this subject. I know if failure is just a part of learning process. But, I just cannot fail at this Master study. I am having a contract with my institution and with my sponsorship. I am in a big pressure.
