Sydney, 18 April 2017
My friend in dorm is having a birthday today, and he invited us to his birthday party. He set up a dinner in local Italian pizza restaurant and he had a great deal with the owner, $18 per person for unlimited pizza. He's Italian so I believe his choice is gonna be a best possible Italian pizza experience for me in Sydney.
Shortly, there were 16 people came to the event and he was loved and looked so happy. He is really a nice and lovable personality. I have no doubt about it. But then, it somehow makes me rethinking again about what I did for my own birthday. I usually hide my birthday from my friends. I don't want my friends know or I don't expect anything from them for my birthday. I always pretend that it is gonna be a usual day for me, nothing special for them, and nothing to exaggerate, I keep saying I am not a soft-hearted person and there are more important and serious task to do than having a birthday celebration.
No! It's all wrong. Those are only my denial. I keep denying to myself if I am actually afraid of rejection, afraid of not being loved, and afraid if people will not love me as I want during my birthday. I am afraid to see my worry becomes a reality to me so that's why I run away from my own birthday. I usually bought my own birthday cake and shared it with friends in office. They didn't have any idea if it was my birthday and they said that I wasn't supposed to buy my own cake.
Anyway, I just can't believe he is still 23 years old. I thought we are at the similar age, like most master students, it will be at least around 25 or 26 years old. I kept telling him that he was lying to me about his age. Now I feel ashamed for saying such harsh words during his birthday. Lastly, I want to say "Happy 23rd Birthday, Gio!"
