Sydney, 21 March 2017
Last night, my crush told me to lose my belly fat. I accepted his suggestion since, unhypocritically, I would also prefer someone in a good shape. Thus, if I prefer it, I must be fair by accepting the fact that someone may also expect the same thing in me. During my life, I have been chubby and I have been skinny naturally.. When I was skinny, I tried so hard to gain weight but it didn't succeed. Oppositely, when I was overweight, I worked out almost everyday and reduced my calories intake, but at the end, I got sick yet my weight remained the same. However, this time I am not giving up and saying to him I will do! I will start my morning run, and that's what I did this morning.
I woke up at six o'clock and was ready to start my very first morning run in Sydney. The park that I chose for my running is just right in front of my dorm . Even before I came to Sydney, I have thought to live in this dorm since I planned to run every morning in that park. But plan was just a plan without any realisation until this morning. Today, I was just able to run in two circumferences of the park and I felt enough. I made an excuse since this was my very first time and also my feet couldn't bear the force of my weight anymore. I remember when I was in high school, I could run as far as possible without losing my breath. But when I started working as employee, I always suffered from ankle pain when I run. Since that time, I didn't run anymore.
The today's run apparently didn't stop until there. When I just came to my afternoon class, I just realised that I didn't bring the work paper from last week. I remembered last week the teacher said to us to bring the work again this week. So I run back to the dorm to take my work that I left in my room and run back again to uni. And you know what, we eventually didn't discuss anything from last week work, so my afternoon run was useless except to punish my excuse I made this morning.
The class was fun and I enjoyed it so much until we were asked to form a group of five to six people for next week workshop and group assignment. The dilemma came to me. So, last week I just made friends with new people in the class. They were so kind, that we shared our contacts and we ate pizza together (I wrote this story in this blog a week ago). We both know we wants to be in the same group, but unfortunately, today we sat at the different row in the class. My other friends who sat on the same row with me (some of them are my best friends since last semester) also wanted me to be in their group too, thus I felt uneasy to leave them. I felt so bad to myself today. I know that I have promised to myself not to worry about what people might think about me, yet I just felt so bad to disappoint people.
I just couldn't get rid this worry inside my brain. When I came back to my room, I texted my friend to say sorry to them. Despite I have said my excuses and she told me that it is fine, I still felt guilty for making irreparable ignorance. I always think that I actually could have done something better than this, and the regret of my imperfections accumulates in my soul into a psychological disorder. I should have forgiven myself.
