Sydney, 25 March 2017
A friend of mine asked me how not to envy someone else's life. Then I said, I do sometimes envy with other people's life.
People may see me as a happy wealthy guy. I have good education, good career, high end gadgets, travelling abroad, and endless money (at least for my basic needs). But the truth is I am not living my own life. I have sacrificed so many things in my life. I just don't show it up to them. From there, I try not to envy with someone's achievement, since I know he/she must have done so many thing in his/her life to deserve it.
When I was a high school student, I dreamed to be a scientist. I do really love science so much even until now. I did much better work in natural science subject than in social science. I could finish my high school in only two years instead of three years. I got scholarship from Asean Secondary Three Scholarship to study in Singapore. I got several awards and achievements. Everything seemed so smooth until I got depressed with my own life to realise I grew up differently with normal people and to accept all the judgment from those hypocrites around me. I kept my anger by myself and pretended everything was just fine. I failed my dream. I decided to go to State Accounting College to ease my family's economy. Never had in my life a dream to study social science nor to be a civil servant before. I let my dream to fly away and never to return again.
I didn't enjoy my first years in college. I always envied with my high school friends who could manage to continue to uni that they really dreamed of, even more when they could expand their study to higher degree overseas. Meanwhile, I was stuck in a place I never wanted for unworthy degree. But you know what, it actually made me more humble. I started to forget my ambitions and lived an easy life. I only gave all my life to learn, not to achieve. I just let myself flow with the life. It opened my other perspective in life. I had used to have a prejudice towards civil servants but then I was a civil servant myself. Until later, it brought me back my confidence and passion in life. I got scholarship again to continue my undergraduate degree at my first try. I enjoyed my study and got my full confidence back. But it made me forgot about the lesson had learnt to me.
I became ambitious and overconfidence. I got another scholarship to continue to master degree, again, at my first try. I was so cocky that I could get anything that I wanted. But I didn't. I lost my dream to study at UK. I eventually had to go to Australia, a place that I never wanted to go for study. I saw my friends who got scholarship later after me, they could manage to go to their dream universities. I kept comparing myself with them. I didn't enjoy my first semester in Australia. It was just like a repetition of my life.
Here I learnt if life is not a race. The fastest one is not always the most successful one. If only I could be a little bit humble and patient, I actually could manage to go to UK. In fact, at the end I got an offer from a uni in London, but it came after I accepted the offer from Australia. And I also see, successful comes to those who are patient. Many friends were so slowly progressing, but they kept persistent and eventually achieved even a higher place than me. I shouldn't envy to them since I believe they deserve what they got. I believe they have given everything in their life to trade with their success.
Another friend told me if he envied with my life. Then I said to him "I look happy but I am not. I have given up all my life to be me now. I am not living my own life anymore. I don't see my future. I don't know who I am. I am just a robot, a living dead". the he replied "but you see me, I pursued my passion, but my life is stuck. I don't have a bright career nor do I have a wealthy life". Yes, until now, I sometimes envy with people who can pursue their passion yet it gives them an opportunity to success and happy. But who knows?
